2 Steps to Free Yourself From the Fear of Public Speaking
Spiders.
Heights.
Death (yes, death).
According to research are all less terrifying than the fear that seems to rule them all: public speaking.
Many of us would rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy, if you’ve heard that old Seinfeld joke. But glossophobia – the fear of speaking in public – is no laughing matter. It can hold you back from standing in front of an audience to advance your career, grow your business or even having the impact you want to make in your family, your community and in your life.
The question is…. How can you rid yourself of that fear?
At least that was my question. As someone that suffered from severe anxiety around speaking in public, I’d find any chance I could to avoid it. And when I was forced, my heart would race, I’d forget what I wanted to say and it felt like the world was spinning around me… Have you been there before?
I tried all the easy ways out and even the little mind tricks that are supposed to help. Imagine the audience without clothes. Just reinterpret the anxiety as excitement. Take an anti-anxiety medication. Practice, practice, practice.
Nothing seemed to work. At least until I found these two components, that when put together, will reduce or even eliminate your fear of speaking in public all together. Of course there’s research to back it up, but take it from my own experience, I’m living proof as I now keynote speak professionally to thousands all over the world with far less fear than when I started out...
The key is this: The fear and anxiety isn’t the problem – speaking in public or with anything else that causes you discomfort. It’s a symptom. A symptom of what you believe is going to happen (see, limiting beliefs). Instead of living with that fear we can get to the root of it. You might even say, you can hunt the discomfort of public speaking. And we can use these two steps to shift those limited beliefs from doubt to doing and from fear to faith. Here they are…
Component one: Exposure.
Exposure therapy is a technique used by therapists (mostly behavioral therapists) to help people overcome fear and anxiety by – you guessed it – breaking the pattern of avoidance and fear. It works quite simply by exposing you to whatever stimulus causes your fear in a safe environment in small steps.
First you might watch others speaking in public on Youtube. Then, maybe you’d maybe speak to a few family members. Then maybe a Toastmasters Club (an organization designed to support people getting better at public speaking, and one I highly recommend). Then a larger crowd at work. Etc. Each step, giving your nervous system a chance to acclimate to the discomfort and recalibrate to realize that it’s not something you need to be deathly afraid of…
Make sure you SLOW DOWN as much as you can. Notice your thoughts. Your feelings. Where the discomfort shows up in your body. What your physical sensations are (getting hot, heart racing, stumbling, etc). Slow down as best you can to get to know how you’re responding. Each time, give yourself enough time to collect your thoughts and feelings. Sit with what happened, exactly how it happened and exactly how it didn’t happen. Do your best not to make yourself wrong, get angry or feel sad. Just sit with what is and let yourself acclimate, let your nervous system acclimate, to whatever the discomfort is.
If you have support for this – a good friend, a significant other another member from the #NoMatterWhat Community – all the better. They can be a good mirror to hear from you about your experience and listen to what you’re going through. Maybe even give you some reassurance that you’re on the right path.
It takes time. Probably a lot of discomfort. And even a good dose of grace for yourself. As you’re working through exposure, you can start on the second component.
Component two: Find the root.
As you’re getting to know your fear, there’s another piece that I think is important: Where does the fear of public speaking come from? You didn’t come out of the womb with that anxiety or fear. Never was there a baby born where the doctor announced,: “This 7lb 11oz baby will be afraid to speak in public”. It sounds ridiculous to even read, doesn’t it? That fear started somewhere…
You might immediately know where your fear of speaking in public came from. If you do, great. Pause right there for a moment. If you don’t, don’t worry. Just feel back (try not to think too much) as to when you first felt that fear. It might be a totally different situation than speaking somewhere. And if you can’t get back to the first time you felt it – get to the first time you can recall that you felt it.
Ok… now unpack that moment.
Try to remember what happened…
Where were you?
Who were you with?
What were you doing?
What did people say?
Unearth as much of it as you possibly can and start to distinguish what happened from what you made it mean. Excavating the root of where that discomfort started gives you a little more space and freedom from it because you’re getting to the source.
Doing these two things together have worked for me, worked for countless others and I’m sure will work for you. The more you confront your fear of public speaking (or any fear / discomfort) the better you’ll get not just at that uncomfortable thing, but all uncomfortable things. It’s building your discomfort muscle.
Fear of public speaking and fear in general, is a natural human emotion. We all will continue to feel it in some way. But to lessen its effects on us, over time, we can use these two steps. You don’t have to live with whatever it is that you fear and its limiting effects. I invite you to commit to freeing yourself from that fear. You can hunt the fear of speaking in public and be free of it forever.