When the Discomfort Doesn’t Go Away…

Apr 21

APRIL 21, 2025

Doing something uncomfortable over and over won’t necessarily make the fear go away, because exposure alone isn’t enough. True transformation happens when we stop resisting discomfort and begin to accept and surrender to it with openness and compassion.

What makes you feel consistently uncomfortable? Are you fighting that discomfort, or letting it teach you something?

An audience member came up to me after a recent keynote and said something that stopped me in my tracks.

“I speak in public all the time,” she said, “But I still get nervous. Every time. I thought if I did it enough, the discomfort would eventually go away.”

It’s a common belief: keep doing the hard thing and it’ll get easier. And sometimes, that’s true.

Repetition builds familiarity. Practice builds confidence.

But what happens when the discomfort doesn’t leave?

Here’s the truth no one tells you: If discomfort stays, even after repeated exposure, it’s not a failure of practice. It’s a function of acceptance.

What she was bumping up against, what we all bump up against, isn’t a lack of exposure. It’s a lack of acceptance, perhaps better said, acceptance is actively surrendering to what is

Discomfort alone isn’t the magic. It’s when we open our minds to new possibilities, when we soften our hearts to the feelings we’d rather push away, that transformation happens. That’s not giving up. It’s letting go of the inner fight.

Letting go of the mental tension of “I shouldn’t feel this way.” or “Why am I still nervous?” or “What’s wrong with me?”

So if you're still nervous, even after practice, whether it's public speaking, leading a team or stepping into a bold new role, the real work isn’t just exposure.

It’s acceptance.

Acceptance is what transforms discomfort into growth. It's not just about doing the hard thing over and over—it's about changing your relationship to it.

True freedom doesn’t come from white-knuckling through the fear. It comes from allowing it, feeling it, and not needing it to be different. That’s when discomfort finally moves through us.

And leaves us permanently changed.

Key Idea

Acceptance is what transforms discomfort into growth. Doing something uncomfortable over and over won’t necessarily make the fear go away, because exposure alone isn’t enough. True transformation happens when we stop resisting discomfort and begin to accept and surrender to it with openness and compassion.

Takeaway

If discomfort keeps showing up, don’t continue to force it—sit with it, accept it, and let it move through you.

Build your Movement

What makes you feel consistently uncomfortable? Are you fighting that discomfort, or letting it teach you something?