The most important thing I’ve learned in 14,609 days
I’ve had something like 14,609 days on this planet and tomorrow is my 40th birthday. In one way I cannot believe I’ve been alive so long. In another way it feels like I just started. All that time being what it is, one idea rises to the top as the most important. Both to make an impact as a leader and to live a fulfilling life.
It’s not about hard work, but that’s necessary. It’s not about community, although that’s important. It’s not even about hunting discomfort, even though I think that’s critical (obviously). It’s something that’s at the core of everything…
Acceptance. Active and intentional acceptance. Accepting what is. Exactly how it is. And exactly how it is not. Acceptance is the pathway to let go of limiting circumstances and truly land in the present (the only place anything can get done).
I feel like everyone knows of psychologist Carl Jung these days. He said something that has always stuck with me. He said: “You cannot change anything until you accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses”. Let’s translate that… If as a leader and you’re wishing things were another way, wanting different resources, hating-on your team, or anything else in that genre, you’re essentially sentencing yourself to the status quo.
Hating that you don’t have enough money to start your business is keeping you stuck… not starting that business.
Being stuck, just wanting your company or team to have a different culture, is a major reason why your culture is what it is.
Even for me. If I spend my time wishing I was younger, or that I had spent some of those years differently, that thinking is only robbing me of the life I have still to live.
Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses you to be living and working in exactly the circumstances you’re currently in. Not a productive way to lead. And not a productive way to get results.
Writing about this in my new book was probably the most challenging and rewarding part of the whole process. Distilling the idea of radical acceptance (I call it surrender in the book) into further details, takeaways and exercises really took something. And ironically, I had to practice acceptance of myself, as I was writing. I had a long-time goal to publish a book by the time I was 40, and I had to surrender to the fact that I was going to miss it by two days.So close! No matter, we can’t control every variable no matter how hard we may try. But there again, it took acceptance to keep going.
I’ve been taught many lessons (by amazing teachers and hard parts of life and business) over the years. I was taking a look back at the 39 things I learned in 39 years and every single one of them still applies for leadership and life. But profound acceptance is #1 on the list this year. If the way out is through (which it is). The way through is acceptance, surrender and true presence.
It’s a simple idea, but not always easy. It takes work, time and intention to get to a place of ongoing acceptance. A journey I’m still clearly on. And with a little luck, I’ll have another 14,609 days to keep on practicing. Hopefully, you’ll join me on the way.